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HIGH GEAR

August, 19

BY LEON STEVENS

No matter how "experienced" a gay man might be, he may still find new sexual encounters tense and trying events. Since there is no standard gay "How-To," many gays are never sure whether they are performing "correctly" and satisfying their partners, in casual sex, it is almost instinctive to try to please and impress the other participant. Some men absurdly fear a reputation as a "bad lay" and make desperate or even panicked attempts to arouse and bring to orgasm their companions. Incidental tricking too often involves a comecontest in which "keeping score" is confused with "scoring." Ejaculation is invariably perceived as conclusive evidence of satisfaction and success. If one is unable to bring his comrade to climax, he may feel guilty or inadequate for having improperly or insufficiently stimulated him. On the other hand, if one does not ejaculate, he may feel embarrassed at his momentary "impotence," or guilty for having made his partner seem inadequate, or he may feel incompetent himself. Consequently, the gay one-nighter often consists of a secretive, anxious, live-or-die struggle to get one's guest's "rocks off." : Showmanship and sexual prowess are supposedly demonstrated by inducing the other man to come, and strength and virility by coming one-

CASUAL SEX

self. Quite a few men are willing to endure pain, hardship and inconvenience to satisfy an unfamiliar paramour.

For example, if one's counterpart is slow in responding to felatio, one might felatiate almost indefinitely, cramped jaws notwithstanding, until the other releases his "treasure." Some who are unaccustomed to anal intercourse may suffer it anyway to accommodate a new bedfellow. One might assume an awkward and strained posture for an extraordinary length of time so as not to appear clumsy and ungraceful. In short, sex for fun, in many cases, deteriorates into an unnecessarily harrowing competition.

The trutit of the matter is, there is no such thing as a "good lay." Sexual responses are highly specialized and individualized. Everyone has his own unique erogenous zones, personalized fantasies, types and ranges of emotional stimuli, and preferred sequences of external physical stimuli. There is no ideal or universal set of "turn-ons." In fact, by the time the majority of gay men come out, masturbation is already a ritualized process in which patterns of arousal are assembled and coordinated for maximum subjective physical effect. Very likely, most men "get off" on activity which closely resembles their masturbatory behavior. Only after knowing a man over an extended period of time can one learn to

LA DUCHESS invites you to the OCTAGON Picnic Sunday August 24, 1975

All day long RAIN OR SHINE

Metropolitan Park at Hauserman and Snow Large Pavilion

Admission $6.00 A Head (10.00 per couple)

Lunch and Beer furnished

Buy your tickets at: Paradise Bar on State Road Rainbow Bar on E. Ninth Rikki's Bar on Payne Ave. Gypsy's Restaurant on St.Clair

Tickets must be purchased by August 17, 1975

Call 771-0894 for information.

duplicate with a degree of accuracy his entire scheme of self-arousal. It is also possible that in a number of cases, if not the majority, supplemental self-masturbation in some form is essential to complete ejaculation.

Of course, no one would rather have sex with himself, yet the addition of another body presents a new situation for one's subconsciously trained, and largely involuntary bio-mechanics. One's body is generally unaccustomed to integrating its fairly fixed, neurologically controlled sexual strategy with that of another body. In other words, someone else's hand just does not feel like one's own hand (nor does someone's mouth) if one is used to masturbating manually. Another's body pressure simply does not feel like a mattress, if one is excited by friction etc.. It is sometimes difficult for one's psychological faculties to convince his physiological apparatus that it is lucky to be having the real thing. One's mind may be euphoric while one's genetalia may be less so. A stranger cannot be expected to recognize immediately one's erogenous areas and modes, nor can he be expected to follow the complex scripts of one's fantasies. Most people can and do master the body-mind contradiction, but other factors undermine casual sex as well. Tension, inspired by the novelty of a new trick or by the mystery of sex itself might create a mental block against arousal or climax. Although it relaxes inhibitions, alcohol slows physical responses by relaxing the entire nervous system and lowering the level of one's blood sugar. One's intoxicated body cannot always catch up with his intoxicated confidence. Distractions and discomfort further hamper spontaneous sex.

Effortiess sexual excitability is hardly a sign of mundane experience and hesitancy in sex is certainly not an indication of naivete.'

Although few admit it, the ove whelming drive in cruising is not t orgasm so much as to enjoy ser sual intimacy with a warm an respected companion. An evenin spent in kissing, caressing an stroking another male and remain close (even minus ejaculation) usually far more rewarding than night devoted to desperate, terror ized mutual manipulation cappe by stubborn, ineffectual semira squirts. Love-making is for fun or ly No one is required to provide splendid "performance" or prove himself a gourmet of sex. Wher having sex, and in doubt about any thing ASK! Free communication is the best vehicle for insuring a good time. Explain to your partner wha you like or do not like, and never be afraid to confess when you are un comfortable. Sexual interactions are not sacred religious cer emonies to be undertaken with uninterrupted solemnity and stoicism Always feel free to talk about it while you do it. Partake in whatever you like, provided your friend is agreeable and never worry and speculate whether others do it.

There is, to be sure, common ground in gay love-making. Kissing, caressing, stroking and feeling the body and genitals, plus some felatio, are standard components of sexual love among gay males. "Exotic" maneuvers and elaborate experimentation are often, if not usually delted from an initial contact. The Shaker maxim, "It's gift to be simple and a gift to be free" makes good advice for first-time sleep-togethers. Nothing should stand in the way of an exhilarating intimate experience. It is not as important to conquer one's inhibition s as to ignore them. Sacking in with another nude male is too glorious a happening to spoil with doubt, worry, panic and related ps) chological clutter. Gay sex is exclusively for enjoyment. If it evolves into a hassle and a burden, it is not worth cruising for. There is sufficient pathos in life without creating it out of pleasure.

Wednesday Prayer Service

and Bible Study 8 PM

Sunday Worship 8 PM 2600 Church Ave. INTERPRETING FOR THE

DEAF AT EVERY SERVICE